City of Freaks

Good intentions. You know what I'm talking about. I left the hotel at 7:42am (I know, precisely, because I said "goodbye Pigeon Forge" as I was walking out look at my iPhone), with the good intentions of getting across the mountains to Asheville in the hour (more or less) that I have been advised it takes.

Welly well well. If it isn't old Mr Roadworks. For reasons totally unknown, the US25/US70 was closed after middleonowhere, and so I had to take the 107, to middleonowhere#2, and then the 208 to somewhere even FURTHER that those two places.. and the one hour journey, turned into THREE HOURS, and I didn't get to see the elk that swarm around the turn-off (I have it on good authority from the lady who came into my hairdresser's yesterday, a self confessed "hillbilly".. man, if she's a hillbilly she's got the best darn hair I've ever seen for one..) where was I? Oh yes. Crazy hillbilly lady with excellent hair and all her teeth tells me, that when you turn off to Asheville once you've gotten over the mountains, there's a field where elk apparently just SWARM. And tourists cause a massive pile-up annoying the living grief out of all the locals because they just pull up haphazardly to take photos.

So I missed that. You can imagine I'm thrilled with missing that.

BUT.

I did see a lot of men fly fishing in the river that winds along the detour I was forced to take, and a lot of beautiful native wildflowers, and of course the obligatory green, green, greeeeeen of Tennnessee.. so it wasn't all bad. I talked to Wendy Garmin (my sat nav device... she's Garmin brand, and the Wolfs call her Wendy, so I've extrapolated that to Wendy Garmin. Nice ring to it, ya think?), drank more bottled water than was wise, drank a massive 16oz cup of to-go coffee with 2% (I'm learnin' it!), muttered to myself when I spilt half the scalding hot coffee all over myself.. snacked on some of the fruit I bought in Nashville.. and generally enjoyed the solitude. Oh, and listened to FM-HICK pretty much the whole way. It dropped out here and there but I managed to find a suitable replacement till I could get high enough (in altitude people..) to retune into 107.7fm.

I learned a few things along this journey thus far.. and none so as important as NEVER pass up a chance to refuel your car or a chance to unfuel your body. If you know what I mean. I ended up pulling over in this quaint little national park (smokies) area where I found restrooms, and despite the fact that there was a CRICKET in the toilet and a spider whose leg span rivalled a huntsman, RIGHT NEXT TO THE FLUSH LEVER, I was grateful I had stumbled across this little refuge afterwards, because whilst I only mildly needed to go at the time, I discovered through the series of detours that TN/NC roads put me on, there was literally not another toilet stop for TWO HOURS. So I'm chugging 500ml bottles of water every 30 mins or so, and drinking my MASSIVE cup of coffee.. and if I hadn't gone.. oh lordy.

Anyhoo.

I arrived into Asheville off the mountains and made an immediate decision that I liked the place. It is utterly stuffed to the brim with artists, artsy types, freaks, yuppies, hipsters, groovers, tweakers (probably), hippies, urban organics, wiggers and well.. you get the picture. Ashevillians proudly wear their ubiquitous title of “City of Freaks” (apparently awarded in 2001 and not claimed by another city since..) and have a motto for whenever you see something truly strange (like the man wearing nun’s habit riding red sparkly unicycle complete with streamers flowing from handlebars) – “Its Asheville!” This joyfully said phrase explains away anything odd or unusual you could possibly see in this city that embraces the different. The locals laugh at themselves but I have a feeling they would also fiercely protect each other if someone was too seriously poking at their fun.

My first meal in Asheville was a blueberry and jalapeno biscuit (like a scone..) with country ham and organic cheese made by the restaurant’s dairy – they are BIG into sourcing or producing the food that goes into the meals in the restaurants here. Asheville also has the title of city who most loves beers – they have fifty microbrews in Asheville, and they loooove their beer.

As guided by my beloved LPG (Lonely Planet Guide, for those with short memories..), I hopped aboard the LaZoom Comedy Tour Bus and embarked upon a 90 minute tour of Ashevillle. It didn’t disappoint. It made me giggle and duck my head for fear the host would pick on me (thankfully lovely gay Mark from San Francisco held up the bus from leaving for about TEN MINUTES so he was most definitely her focal point the entire time); it was informative but entertaining, and I highly recommend anyone who goes to Asheville does the tour as a first port of call.

I bought some truly beautiful and unique local artist created items in Asheville, and I really hope the gift receiver enjoys them. If not, I’ll be snatching them back for myself!

Chat soon,
M x